Platform Palava vs. Louboutin Love

You know that feeling when your credit card is burning a small but distinctively plasticy hole in your pocket? That sixth sense of knowing that nothing, but nothing will deter you from shopping? I was sure that the next time I felt this urge to splurge it would be all over a brand new pair of Christian Louboutins. I wanted that red sole so badly I could taste it in the back of my throat. As soon as work was over I hot-footed it over to my local department store to see what was goods were on offer.

Better stick to the sale though. (I'm not that naughty!)

Like a junkie looking for a fix, I skidded about on my knees. I stared up at the racks of cut-price footwear, seeking that telltale glimpse of Louboutin crimson. There it was: one pair 40.5’s, ooh they were blue metallic. Wait, there was another, this time a pearlised and strappy green pair-there. Were. Loads. Of. Louboutins.

Fiercely I rid myself of my chunky, inadequate Mary Jane (almost knocking an old lady unconscious in the process!) and got busy. Ferociously jamming sandal-after-sandal on my long-suffering right foot, I searched. Fervently disregarding any flat or wedge that came to hand (what is the point? You can’t see the red sole!) I kept trying on the shoes. They were certainly the right size and most of them were beautiful but something was amiss: these were the most uncomfortable shoes I had ever encountered! I have become the victim of the platform and none of these babies had even a hint of one. I started to worry. The number of times I have scoffed at older (and richer) ladies complaining of Louboutin-discomfort. “Oh get over it” I scoffed jealously! A few years ago I even managed to relieve one of them of her red Louboutin dustbag in desperation (if you beg and plead long enough they eventually get the message-shame she didn’t want to part with her Pigalles!).

I am not giving up but I will not settle. I will bide my time until I have enough money for the new season platformed Louboutins. When I have them I will flash that red sole like the brazen hussy they will make me. I will dance around everyone who said ‘they pinch’ and pirouette on a pedestal cloud of red platformed happiness.