Summer Swimwear Review

A bikini a day keeps the boredom at bay. Or, at least, this was my excuse for some awesome new summer swimwear. Without a hope in hell of looking as good as the whippet-thin golden beach goddesses of southern Italy (“Carbs will find them”, we smirked knowingly), I went for style and fake tan over extreme dieting and exercise. And some canny angles...

FreyaLindy Hop Harlequin Soft Triangle Bikini Top

I LOVED this bikini and I wore it almost every day. It was really supportive and pushed my boobies up nicely. It survived a day of jumping over massive waves and prevented me from scaring the locals with my ample 34DD bosom. The bottoms are generously cut without the ‘Nan’s knickers’ look you sometimes get with retro styles. The only thing that would have improved the top would have been the extra layer of fabric surrounding the straps (which features on my Freya bikini from last year). Although this might have spoiled the line of the halterneck a bit, it might have made for a less painful neck at the end of an active day on the beach. This wouldn’t stop me from wearing it again next summer though, as it made me feel like a glam Marilyn Monroe type. 

ForLuna Red Retro Swimsuit by Esther Williams

Now, I’m not usually a fan of swimsuits, preferring instead to bronze as much of this British flesh as humanly possible. An exception was made for a suit as glamorous as this one. Once wriggled into (in elegant manner, similar to that employed when donning hold-in pants) this suit sucked me in at the waist and turned excess love-handle into extra boob. A bit of subtle ruching over the belly ironed out any remaining issues. Whack on a pair of leg-lengthening wedges and you’re away! I’m taking this baby to Shoreditch House for some serious poolside posing; it’s too way good for the sea.

(The sarong is by Zara, by the way)

FeverBlack Plunge Bikini Top

Ever since I grew boobs, I have longed for a bikini which is just like a bra. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Just the same amount of support and the same flattering cut of your favourite boulder-holder. Freya have come up trumps with this supportive option. I like the curved neckline and the fact that I could, if I wanted to, have a run on the beach. In reality, I did run on the beach once during the holiday; across the hot, hot sand to the bar for a Double Magnum. Mmm.