Fashion Week Survival Guide

1. Anti-bacterial hand gel. It’s winter, we can’t afford taxis, people get sick, you get on London Transport, you get sick. This gel helps. Someone coughs / sneezes in your face? This stuff is rendered as useful as pissing into the wind.

2. (Evian)Water. Champagne needs to be balanced-out with this odd substance. Apparently this will stop you from feeling as rough as a fashionable badger’s arse the next morning-interesting. Moet anyone?

3. Flat shoes. Let’s be honest, remove your fabulous 5 inchers you’re as good as dead in the eyes of the fashion police but at least you know those Primark flats are there if you REALLY need them.

4. Sunglasses / other random eyewear. Disguise and conceal those late-night eyes. WE all know you were dancing on the table at PPQ but there’s no reason why anyone else would have to. Make like Anna Wintour and don those shades.

5. A ticket or five. Fashion equation: the more tickets per show you can bandy around, the more important you are. Try exclaiming loudly that you have many, many tickets to spare. For extra (evil) brownie points why not try saying this in front of a hopeful, hard-working intern and then walk away (yes, this has happened to me in the past!). No ticket? Get to the back of the line baby-maybe they’ll let you stand if there is space.

6. A fashionable friend or two. These are very useful on a number of levels: they will stop you from getting bored between shows, they will understand the importance of your bag (very) and they will never suggest that you should ‘just go and have a coffee or something instead of watching a show’. A great friend is the best, most potent weapon at your disposal in this cut-throat world we call ‘the Industry’.

7. A famous friend or two. Even if this person is very tenuously linked with the fashion world (or, indeed, very tenuously linked with you!). I was at a magazine party once, actually it was the launch of a magazine that I wrote for and Gerry from Big Brother (I can’t remember which series and frankly, who cares?!) was ushered into the party while I was made to wait. This still stings but it taught me an extremely valuable lesson: never underestimate the importance of ‘Z’ listers in London. Don’t they know who we ARE?!

8. After-party knowledge. This is usually gleaned from unabashed eavesdropping. You might think you are going to the best party of the evening but others may know of something even better. It’s important to ride the wind of change. Keep your ear to the ground and get ready to change venue at the drop of a Phillip Treacy hat.

9. An absolutely incredible designer bag. This says ‘yes, I am most rich, extremely important and am definitely someone to take serious heed of.’ Can’t afford this season’s? Don't worry-no one can.

10. Food. Yes, it may be shocking to some but I personally find it so reassuring to know that when push comes to shove there is a bag of mini chedders secretly waiting at the bottom of my new Miu Miu.